I
am the mother of THREE children. Ages 3 and under. Three babies, three years.
And as I'm writing this, it was 3 weeks ago today that the newest member of my
brood entered our world. It's safe to say that I'm still working on grasping
the reality of this threesome entrusted to my care!
I'm
sure that there are all sorts of blogs out there talking about labor and
delivery, what the experience was like, etc. I personally have written
something about each of my kids' births, and yes, that is what this blog post
will be about. But, it honestly isn't the labor
and delivery that grasps my
heart…as much as the lesson I have learned in each of my children's
births. So bear with me as I ramble…since rambling is what I do best!
Without
writing down all the details of the long, torturous 9 months of pregnancy, I'll
just say that my 3rd pregnancy was by far my hardest; the sickest I've ever
been in my life, the most stressed out I've ever been, and by far…oh by far the
most exhausted, so exhausted there are not words to describe the experience. My
body's overall pain level far exceeded anything I'd been through before as
well, and by 35 weeks, I was definitely at my limit. But there was still that
last month to endure…
The
Braxton Hicks contractions were a saga all of their own during this pregnancy,
I felt the first ones around 12-15 weeks pregnant. By the time 30 weeks came
around, I was in and out of the hospital to get false labor stopped. My doctor
knew, and we were beginning to suspect, that this little one would come early,
and come FAST.
We
were blessed beyond measure to make a trip to Montana when I was 35 weeks pregnant for my
stepson's wedding. It was God's grace that got us there and home safely. It was
an amazing journey, one that has a story all it's own, but that isn't what I'm
here to write about today.
I'm
here…to talk about waiting. To talk about patience. Something…I'm not exactly
all that good at.
This
pregnancy had pushed me beyond my limits. With two toddlers at home to care
for, a household to run, a farm that needs constant attention, and a husband
who works full time, I can honestly say that I was beyond what I could endure.
Tears of frustration and from sheer pain came often. But, I can also honestly
say, I have never been so fully wrapped in God's grace as what I experienced
while going through the horrors of this pregnancy. I was so ill, so completely
at the end of myself, that I had no choice but to lay my very being in the arms
of my Heavenly Father. It was there in His presence that I could find rest. In
that shadow of His wing, I could feel peace.
As
I said, I struggle with patience, waiting is not exactly one of my
"gifts". When we got home from Montana,
those last weeks of pregnancy ahead of me felt like a literal eternity. We knew
it would be that way, waiting for the wedding day to arrive, waiting for the
trip to take place; we knew that afterwards our whole world would be focused on
the coming of our precious daughter. Every day felt excruciatingly long; far
worse than when we waited through the last few weeks of our previous
pregnancies. It's hard to put into to words what that is like, but even though
my calendar told me that days were passing by, it seemed that there were still
as many days ahead of me before that looming "due date" would finally
arrive.
37
weeks came around, and baby's head was fully engaged in my pelvic bones, I was
dilated to a solid 3, and the pressure I was experiencing was INTENSE. Most
days I could barely walk. Getting in and out of bed was impossible. My dear
husband literally had to lift me out of bed, and often had to help me on and
off the toilet, or out of chairs. Looking back, it is a wonder I made it
through taking care of the kids by myself while he was at work each day. Ah
God's grace…have I mentioned that? Can I just get an AMEN?! Thank you again
Jesus, you really are the only way I made it!
That
37th week was a tough one. But, I did make it to a family picnic, and even
managed a short walk through the woods at my family's property. It seemed that
even though I could literally barely walk thanks to a little head crushing my
pelvic bones, I felt the need to walk. So each day, we did our best
(very slowly I might add) to walk down our driveway before bed. (something we
try to do normally anyway, but I hadn't felt well enough those last few weeks)
On
Thursday, August 14th, I was 38 weeks pregnant. And truly, I could not walk. In
my doctor's office at my appointment that day I could only shuffle my feet,
while holding on to my husband's arm. My doctor was concerned about me, my pain
level was so extreme. We decided to have her strip membranes to see if labor
would begin. I felt a huge peace with this decision, knowing it was a form of
inducing labor; I am passionate about natural childbirth, even though I had yet
to actually give birth without some kind of drugs/etc. I believe in letting
nature take its course. Or more simply put…I believe giving birth is God's
timing, not mine. But as I sat in the doctor's office talking this over with my
OBGYN, it was as though the Lord whispered in my ear… "It's still
My timing. If you go into labor because of this, it's still on My time. If I
choose to make you wait longer and stripping membranes doesn’t induce labor,
it's because I chose to make you wait."
I
knew that if this was going to work, we would be having a baby in the next
24ish hours. As my doctor left the room and I was getting dressed, I looked at
my precious Eric and it started to sink in that we could be having a baby in
our arms very soon. I could see the emotion welling up in his eyes too. How I
love this man!
We
headed for home to our sweet, energetic toddlers and the best grandma in the
world taking care of them. We let her know that we could be having a baby, so
be ready for the call. I spent the evening packing the rest of our
"hospital bag" and making sure the house was ready for us to be gone
if labor did indeed start.
That
evening, I felt…weird…but certainly not like labor was going to start. I didn't
even have the usual BH contractions. I went to bed exhausted, but couldn't
sleep. My pain level had reached an all new high (can someone explain to me how
that is possible?!) and to say I was beyond miserable is an understatement. I
finally had my hubby help me to the couch, where we got me snuggled up in
blankets with pillows there, hoping that I could at least get a little rest. I
did finally get a couple hours of sleep. I woke up at 5:30am and made it to the
bathroom on my own. No contractions. No blood (sorry if that feels like graphic
info, but hey…it's a reality of childbirth) no NOTHING. I sat there as it sank
in that I hadn't gone into labor that night like we expected. I felt my
shoulders slump, and for a moment…felt horribly discouraged. I just sat there,
letting reality sink in. I finally started to pray. (c'mon, you know you've sat
on the toilet talking to God too…) I couldn't help but re-hear His words,
telling me that it was His timing, not mine. I felt the peace wash over me as I
prayed, and said "Ok, God. I accept that I didn't go into labor. I
understand we won't be having a baby today. I trust You. I'm ok with that. Just
please…please don't make me wait too long? Help me endure the amount of time
You have left for me before this baby is born."
I
got up and wow the pressure was bad. And boy…did I feel terrible. I felt like I
could throw up, I was lightheaded, and the pressure…oh wow. And that need to
walk? Yep, I just felt like I needed to walk and walk. So, slower than a turtle
trudging through mud up a steep hill, I walked around the loop of our house.
Round and round I went while the rest of my family slept. I finally plopped
down in the recliner and put my feet up. It wasn't long, and at 6:30am, I had a
contraction.
I
quirked an eyebrow, but after literally months of Braxton Hicks contractions, I
didn't think too much of this one. 5 minutes later, another.
"Ok,"
I thought. "We'll see if this actually turns out to be something." 5
minutes later, another. But they weren't intense, and they weren't feeling like
"the real thing." But, I got up, and waddled to the bedroom and woke
Eric up. I felt the need to use the restroom again, starting to feel pretty
sick to my stomach. I was beginning to have more of a "cramping"
feeling, than actual contractions. And while I had read about menstrual-type
cramping as a possible labor sign, I personally had never experienced it with
my other births. I did have some "bloody show" so I knew we needed to
go to the hospital and get checked out, but I also expected some blood because
of my doctor's cervical exam the day before. I told Eric to go ahead and call
my grandma, but…I also told him I still wasn't convinced that this was the real
thing. It was now 7am-ish. I waddled around the house packing the few last
minute items into our hospital bag while Eric went to feed the farm animals.
That next half hour my contractions slowed down, and I was only having them now
and then, making me believe that this was going to prove to be nothing more
than another false episode. Eric came back in from doing chores, now around
7:30am. We were standing in the kitchen, and I was having more contractions
again, now coming about 3 minutes apart. I had just said "I still don't
think this is really labor, it just doesn't feel like it." And boom…a
contraction hit, and my water broke. With my firstborn, my water had to be
artificially broke while I was at the hospital in labor. With my second birth
when my daughter was born, my water broke on it's own while I was at the
hospital, well into labor, but while I was on an epidural. This was my first
time "feeling" my water break. It literally felt like a balloon
popped inside me.
My
eyes got really big, and I said "Eric! My water just broke! Get me to the
bathroom, quick." I felt a dramatic urge to have a bowel movement, the
pressure was unbearable. Thankfully I made it to the toilet when the massive
gush came. I sat there on the toilet, looked up at my hubby and said,
"We're having a baby today!"
Now
take a brief moment for comic relief. In the middle of the night, RJ, our 3
year old son, had got up and prowled around the house. He got into a drawer of
stuff in the bathroom and left it all sitting on the bathroom floor. We had
picked that mess up when we first got up that morning. But…as I'm sitting there
on the toilet, cleaning myself up and talking to Eric about what steps we
needed to take next, I glanced at the wall next to the bathtub/shower. There,
stuck to the wall…was a bar of soap. Yes, a brand new bar of hotel soap (from
our Montana
trip) had been unwrapped, and…apparently, it had enough moisture that it could
"glue" to the wall. Which I'm sure…made a little boy VERY happy.
Needless to say…in that moment as we were realizing that a baby was truly on
its way; these parents busted up laughing: At a bar of soap.
My
grandma arrived a little before 8am, and wow had my body picked up the pace. I
was now having a hard time breathing through the contractions. Eric had to move
the toddler carseats out of our Explorer and into Gramme's car so that she
could travel with the kids. The contractions I was experiencing in those short
10 minutes were about knocking me off my feet, I could no longer lean into the
wall and ease my body through each one, my legs were beginning to shake and it
was sinking in that we needed to get on the road…FAST.
Eric
was still in the "preparing" mode, so getting him out the door took
me a little longer than I had anticipated. He didn't quite seem to grasp the
urgency I was feeling. That isn't to say he was lollygagging around, I honestly
think more than anything; the man was in shock that my water had broke and he
wasn't functioning at a normal pace. I told him we needed to go, NOW, and I
started walking to the explorer. I could barely walk, my legs had turned to
jello, and all I could do was pray. Eric followed behind me and reached me at
the passenger door where I was yet again desperately trying to ease myself
through a contraction. My water was finishing breaking, and I could feel the
baby's head. I had no urge to push yet, and I knew we weren't quite at that
"stage" yet, but…this was my first moment of the morning where I
began to question whether we would actually make it to the hospital in time.
When Eric saw me during that contraction, it was obvious that the urgency had
hit him full force. We left my Gramme at the house with the kids…who were
thankfully still sleeping. It was time to go have a baby!
We
got onto the freeway for the 25 minute drive to the hospital. I knew it would
be intense and brutally uncomfortable. I was right. The contractions were
tearing my body apart, the back labor was so intense. I could brace my feet on
the floor in front of me, hold onto the hand-hold on the frame of the door in
front of me with my right hand, and my left hand pushed on the ceiling,
managing to ease some of the pressure off my back through the intensity of each
one. Eric drove like our butts were on fire, turned on our emergency flashers,
and from the story I've heard, we got some pretty good looks of shock as people
we drove past saw the lady in labor grimacing through contractions! Haha J
There
were times the contractions, now coming less than 2 minutes apart, were so
intense I wondered how I'd ever manage. My legs were shaking, I felt like
throwing up, and we still had miles to drive. All I could do was pray and
breathe. Pray and breathe. It was amazingly beautiful, that moment when each
contraction would hit it's peak, the pain so intense the beads of sweat were
dimpling my forehead and running down my backbone…and yet, it was in that most
intense moment, I felt the Holy Spirit's peace wash over me, and each time I
heard a still, small voice whisper: "Relax". It only took a couple
contractions hearing that voice, and for the rest of the drive, I felt that
sensation of relaxing wash over me. Now…that isn't to say that somehow I wasn't
in pain anymore, or that it was now "easy". Because it wasn't. Every
second of each contraction took every bit of my attention, and I continued to
be able to do nothing but pray and breathe. But I was at peace now. Assured
peace that my Father was with me. I hadn't ever been truly afraid, but any
anxiety, any concerns or fears lingering inside me washed away.
When
we arrived at the hospital, Eric brought a wheelchair and got me in to
admissions. The only "good" thing about having been in and out of the
hospital so many times during this pregnancy, meant there was literally no
paperwork to deal with, they had all my current information logged into their
computer system. All I had to do was confirm that everything was accurate, and
sign consent forms. And for those blessed few minutes, the Lord gave me the
grace of my contractions slowing down. I could at least talk to the
receptionist and sign my name where needed.
We
got upstairs to Labor and Delivery, and I was picking up the pace again. There
was no way I could even consider standing to take my weight. But, I had just
been to the doctor the day before, so no big deal, they had taken my weight
then. We got into our room, and I needed to undress. The contractions were back
to barely giving me a breather in between…try getting undressed during THAT.
Eric had to undress me, I could barely move. I was still in the wheelchair, and
was having a very hard time. Eric had to practically lift me into the hospital
bed. I looked up at the clock, it was 9am, straight up.
Can
I ask…WHY must a woman in labor be put through the torture of A MILLION
QUESTIONS?! Seriously, I swear it took an eternity to try to get through all
the formalities of paperwork on the computer system. Ok, not really, but it
sure felt like it. They had called for the anesthesiologist, and I was truly
wondering if he would even get there before a baby was in my arms! I learned
that it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to sign your name on consent forms while your body
is brutally being shaken by contractions. I actually was even able to laugh at
the absurdity of my attempts to scribble my name, even in those intense
moments. I was only dilated to a 5 when I arrived, so I figured we still had
some time to wait before our baby would be born.
The
anesthesiologist finally arrived, and I honestly wondered why I was putting
myself through the torture. If you've never had a baby, I'll be very honest
with you; getting the epidural is worth it for long labor. But, I'll also tell
you that it is the MOST AWFUL time during labor. Trying to curl your back and
not move while needles are inserted…oh man. And, my labor was so intense at
this point, it was all I could do to hold my sanity together. This was the one
time during labor that I could no longer grasp that moment of relaxing, Eric
was right there with me, but I was losing that sense of peace.
And
then, it happened. The epidural was done, but not hooked up. An initial push of
medication to check the line into my back had been given to me. My labor nurse
was telling me that she was ready to move my legs back onto the bed, that I
could just let her know when I felt able. The anesthesiologist was getting
ready to connect me to the IV pump, and
BAM!
Instead
of a contraction that started and peaked and backed off, it hit me like a
truck, full force, so hard, I was instantly crying out. I could feel the baby's
head, she was crowning. I had no control, my body was doing the pushing for me.
If I had been told "don't push!" I would have had no way to stop it.
The
nurse moved like lightning. She grabbed my legs and swung me back into the bed,
at the same time calling out for help. My hospital room literally exploded in
motion. I was only vaguely aware of what was happening around me, as the labor
had completely seized me and I could no longer move, it seemed I had no control
over anything but the intensity of what was grabbing my body. Eric was now at
my left leg, the nurse was checking my progress, and just as I knew, baby's
head was visible. My nurse stepped into the hallway, and literally YELLED for
my doctor.
The
activity in the room was amazing. The anesthesiologist had stepped to the side
out of the way of the labor staff. I literally had the entire birthing floor in
my hospital room. My legs were moved into position in the stirrups, my nurse
was assuring me I was doing great, and in the next moment, my doctor was
stepping through the door, I heard her voice and opened my eyes long enough to
smile at her. She was shoving her scrubs on, she walked up to me, took one look
at me and said "Are you ready?" With a big grin on her face, she told
me to go ahead and push. A precious little head finished making its appearance
into the world, and Eric said to me "She's got a lot of hair! …and it
doesn't look brown…" Baby's shoulders caught a little bit, and my doctor
had to adjust the baby's position a little. My body actually took a slight
break, I wasn't in a constant contraction as I had been since the baby's head
crowned. (I'm not exaggerating, there was absolutely no breathing, no relaxing,
no nothing but the constant push of my body giving birth.) In that brief
respite, the nurses were able to reposition my body, moving my legs slightly
and getting me into a better position for the final push. My doctor coached me
for the next push, and a beautiful baby girl had entered our world…
I
looked at my husband, I looked at my baby, I smiled at my doctor, I heard the
words "It's 9:56am" I heard my baby's cry for the first time. As she
was being dried off, I heard the exclamations coming all at once, nurses, my
doctor, and my precious husband were all saying it at the same time "It
looks like she has red hair!" One
of the nurses by my side took my hospital gown off. And then the warmth of this
precious gift was laid against my breast.
Kelsie
Mae was finally in my arms!
I'll
never forget the look of sheer joy as my doctor handed Eric the scissors to cut
Kelsie's umbilical chord. Nor will I forget the grin of absolute happiness on
my husband's face. I think his heart was busting out of his chest. There was no
shame in the tears sneaking their way down our cheeks. Oh that these memories
will stay locked in my heart forever!
As
the commotion in the room died down, and it was now just Eric, me, my doctor
and my delivery nurse, it began sinking in just how FAST the whole thing had
occurred. Eric was finally letting out a breath. We all kind of just took a
moment and relaxed. It was sort of like we all got hit at the same time just
how incredibly quick my labor had been. One of the nurses jokingly said to
Eric, "And you win the award for calmest Daddy ever!" Eric laughed
and said, "Are you kidding? I'm still waiting for her to be born! That
happened SO FAST!" As my doctor began stitching me, I laughed…and said,
"Well, now my legs are getting numb!" I never did get a true
epidural, but just that initial push of medication. It was just enough meds to
make my legs numb. But too late! J
Those
few minutes after Kelsie was born were precious. We have a really good
relationship with my OBGYN, she had missed our other kids' births, so she was
SO excited to get to deliver Kelsie! She was already at work that morning when
she got the call that one of her patients was in labor, and she told us that
she was so hoping it was me. She then got word that it WAS me in labor, and she
shared with us how incredibly excited she was to get to be with us for this
delivery. Then she got the call that she needed to come because the baby was
crowning, and she told us that she thought "Oh! If that's Denae, I don't
even have time to go pee! I need to run!" So she literally ran from the
Physician's Pavilion over to the Hospital. And sure enough, she barely made it
through the door in time to deliver our baby! We all had a great laugh
together, and couldn't help but giggle because she still hadn't had that chance
to go to the bathroom as she was finishing me up. I can't even describe how
blessed I feel to have such an amazing doctor. I have no contact with her
outside of a patient/doctor relationship of course, but I truly feel like she
is a friend. She's been AMAZING.
From
the time I felt Kelsie's head crown, to her birth, was less than 5 minutes!(Eric
tells me maybe 3.5 minutes) I only pushed twice. I had gone from dilated to a
5, to fully dilated in less than a half hour. Labor lasted not quite 3 1/2
hours from start to finish. She came FAST.
I
have one more thing I want to share about the birth. I did it without the aid
of medication. It was a "natural" birth. Those 5 minutes from the
push of epidural medication to her birth wasn't long enough for the medication
to begin working in my system. Yes, I felt it afterwards, but I had no
assistance from numbing or pain killers while I delivered Kelsie. I have always
wondered what a natural birth felt like. Granted, my other two kids were 12
hours of labor each, and with the back labor I experienced, I never ever would
have "survived" without the epidural. I am immensely thankful for
what I experienced during their births, with the aid of medication. But this
time, it was so different. Yes, it was intense. It was intense like nothing
I've ever experienced. But…it was AMAZING. I don't even know how to explain how
blessed I feel that I got to feel childbirth. That I got to fully
experience what it felt like. Did it hurt? Yeah, I guess so. But…not like you
think "hurt" should feel like. Did I cry out? Yes, I'm pretty sure
every other woman in labor could hear me. In fact, I jump-started the day. The
nurses actually teased me that it was because the other ladies in labor heard
me, that the whole floor went into fast labor. Seriously, I gave birth and then
4 more women gave birth shortly after. We joked that it was like getting a room
of women living together and they all get on the same menstrual cycle. Yep,
something about me giving birth that morning brought all the other babies
really quickly too. All the nurses I saw that day told me about it. Apparently
it took them all by surprise. Anyway, I've heard all kinds of stories about
women screaming in childbirth, but…no, I didn't scream. More of intense
moaning…I guess you could call it. Regardless, it was literally the most
amazing experience I have ever had. My only regret, is that it took so much of
my attention, that I didn't feel a really close connection to Eric while I gave
birth. When RJ and Abby were born, He was my coach, holding me, talking to me,
right there as close as possible. He was there, just the same, holding my left
leg, coaching me, talking to me, the exact same as our other deliveries. But,
for me…I wasn't able to focus on my husband at all. I think during the birth, I
was able to open my eyes once and make a brief eye contact with him, but
overall, I actually felt very disconnected. I think that was simply because it
happened so insanely fast, and my body was so seized in that moment, I had
nothing but the ability to focus on the contraction. I do remember crying out
one time "Oh God" as a prayer, the only thing I could say in the
intensity of the moment. I am SO thankful for a personal, loving Savior who
stands beside me!
If I had known Kelsie would come that fast, I never would have even attempted
the epidural. I would have just worked through the contractions and had a baby.
But there was no way I could know she would come that fast ahead of time. I'll
come back to that thought soon.
My
hospital room cleared, and it was now just me, my dearest husband, and our new
precious…REDHEADED daughter. I don't know who shed the first tear. I know we
both did. I know that we both were sitting in wonderment as the reality of
those few short hours sank in. I did get sick about an hour after birth, my
body finally reacted to the epidural medication and I threw up. But, I
amazingly felt really well. In fact, by far the best I have ever felt after
giving birth. I didn't experience the swelling like usual, and even though I
tore a little bit, the pain wasn't bad. We let some time pass by, just enjoying
our newborn, just the 3 of us, before beginning the barrage of text messages,
Facebook posts, and phone calls to family. I think it took over an hour just to
send out all the notifications, and sort through the dozens of text messages
making our phones go wild after we announced the news! But those are all
memories that make the moment so special.
In
late afternoon, Gramme brought RJ and Abby to the hospital to meet their new
sister. I'm not sure what I expected, but my heart was absolutely busting with
the emotions of seeing my two older babies meet this tiny little creature in my
arms. RJ fully understood that Kelsie had "come out" of Mommy's
tummy. He was SO excited! He would touch the top of Kelsie's head so tenderly,
with such joy and sparkle to his eyes! And oh how he loved kissing her! It was
incredibly precious to have him climb into my lap on the hospital bed, tenderly
touch my tummy, and tell me how Kelsie wasn't in there anymore. Abby, well…like
any 19 month old, she wasn't overly excited by a new baby, she was FAR more
interested in all the gadgets and wonderful new things to explore in a hospital
room. The closet was particularly a fun place to play! Haha
My
Dad was in the middle of a baseball tournament, he's an umpire and was
scheduled to be in games all day long. He was able to get our text messages
about the baby though, so he was able to share in our joy. Amazingly there was
just enough cell service that my sister got the picture we sent via text, so
she and my Mom were able to see a picture that day as well, and we had a good
visit over the phone, but with Dad's busy umpiring schedule with summer
tournaments, they decided to come see us when we got home from the hospital the
next late afternoon/evening. So other than Gramme and the kids, our first day
with Kelsie Mae was just the three of us (and a whole lot of phone calls!) and
it was absolutely WONDERFUL.
There
are no words to really describe the emotions, how dramatically in love I am/was
with my husband that day, sitting there together in the quiet of our room, just
gazing upon this precious, beautiful life. We were tired, but oh so incredibly
happy! I'll never forget the moment that caught my heart the most. I was
resting on the hospital bed, while Eric held Kelsie in his arms in the chair
next to me, the filtered light coming through the window blinds, touching the
whisps of red hair on top of our baby's head. I rolled my head to the side to
look at my husband, just in time to see him let go of the emotions, and begin
to cry…and he said, "I miss my Mom so much… She would be so excited to
know we have a red-headed daughter. She would love her so much…" We talk
about Eric's mom a lot, how we miss her, how we wish she could be with the
kids, Eric shares memories, etc. But, this was a special moment, and my heart
broke watching my man…and the little boy inside, simply missing his Mama. And
oh wow…I miss her too. I think somehow she knows. I don't know what the Lord
does or doesn't allow us to see from Heaven, but when I look at my beautiful
family, and the amazing redemption of my husband's life, I think somehow, she
knows. So on that day in our hospital room, I just held my husband's hand as he
cried, and we let the tears fall together. I wish so much that Grandma Snow
could have been there to hold our baby girl that day.
There
are of course lots and lots of other memories I could write about our time in
the hospital, or the excitement of coming home. We didn't get any sleep the
night Kelsie was born. Kelsie was ok, but hospitals are not quiet, nor are they
made for comfortable sleeping. I remember eating snacks (chips I think it
was?!) at 4am. I remember talking, oh how we talked…about so much stuff in
life. I remember listening to Eric talk to Matthew while he was at National
Guard training in Idaho,
and talking to Cody as well, wishing so badly that our oldest boys weren't so
far away, wishing they could be there with us or be there when we got home from
the hospital. I remember all the special conversations via
text/facebook/email/etc with close friends and loved ones. So special to have a
social media network that allows us to share a life event like that! And how
special it was to have Eric's brother Randy come up and spend the day with us
at the hospital before we were discharged; very special memories!
I
know I'm rambling…as I said at the beginning of this post, rambling is what I
do J
But…there IS a point to all this. And I think I'll get to that point now.
We
waited. It felt like an eternity, but it was only 38 weeks. It could have been
40. But when God said it was time…the change came SO QUICKLY…so incredibly
fast. I was sitting on a toilet having a conversation with God about my
disappointment…and a couple hours later I was sitting on a hospital bed with my
baby on my chest, the waiting OVER.
How
often in life…is it like that? How many times, in how many ways, do we wait and
wait and wait (often impatiently I might add) and then BAM…what we've been
waiting for happens in the blink of an eye? This is something that the Lord has
been laying on my heart heavily, and it's a lesson He needed me to learn,
through the birth of my daughter. We've been waiting for a change in life,
waiting on moving to a ranch, and it keeps falling through, leaving us waiting
longer and longer. Really the question I have to ask myself, is: "Can I be
content, regardless?" It's a hard question to deal with. It's so easy to
fall into the pit of waiting, to feel discouraged because life's timing isn't
turning out the way we had hoped or planned. God showed me through my
daughter's birth that I need to trust in His timing. There are so many areas of
my life where I forget this. I forget to let go of my own agenda and trust that
in His time, life will play out how He desires.
So,
I end this post by asking a question. Do you trust the Almighty's timing?
